


Ice, Breaking

by Ayearandaday



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Absent Parents, Aiming for more feells than angst, All hail communication, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amilyn is an angel, And another character, And besotted, Angst and Feels, BB loves trans, Bad alcohol-induced decisions, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is Reysexual, Ben has abandonment issues, Ben has complicated feelings about Han, Ben is a cuddler, Ben is not a party guy, Ben loves taking care of Rey, Ben's family is loaded, Building trust, Defensive Rey, Demisexuality, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Do what's best for your child, Domestic Fluff, Domesticated Rey eventually Solo, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Family Feels, Good Parent Leia Organa, Han wasn't the best parent, Happily Ever After, Happy Ending, Here comes the daddy, Idiots in Love, Is it a slow-burn if it's only five chapters?, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, It's Han, Leia is meddling, Leia knows things, Little greedy sand goblin Rey is going to get her hands on a pretty boy, Love at First Sight, Mama's boy Ben, Married Life, Married Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Minor Amilyn Holdo/Leia Organa, One Big Happy Family, One Night Stands, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Parents Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Past Character Death, Poe and Hux are good friends, Pregnancy, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Reference to accidental pregnancy, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Rey has abandonment issues too, Rey is a guardian to BB, Rey is insecure, Rey is secretly a cuddler, Reylo Baby, Soft Ben Solo, The bomb has dropped, Unplanned Pregnancy, ben is smitten, but we'll see, domestic ben solo, eventually, implied depression, no questions there, paternity testing, they are soft, trust funds as a plot device
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28708758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayearandaday/pseuds/Ayearandaday
Summary: Ben meets Rey at a Christmas bash and instantly feels a connection. That's why it hurts when she ghosts him for seemingly no reason. But what if the answer to that mystery can potentially change Ben's entire life?
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 95
Kudos: 145
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been so long in making that it started getting angstier than intended. Thanks, 2020. But seriously, I'm not going to keep you all hanging and will get to the lighter stuff soon, promise. 
> 
> Many thanks to my amazing beta fulcrum_of_pemberley.

**October 2016**

The doorbell rang its sharp sound. Again and again. And as if that weren’t enough, a fist pounded the door, adding to the chaos. Ben groaned. The last thing he wanted to do was leave the safety of his bed, let alone speak with other human beings. All he wanted was to disappear. Why bother to move?

The doorbell rang again, the piercing sound scraping his ears. Could they stop? Maybe if he opened the door they would stop. And then they would leave him alone.

Ben forced himself to get out of bed, ignoring the pounding in his head. Or was it his ears? Sounds were weird lately. Reluctantly, he turned the lock and opened the door. Immediately, two men pushed past him, determined to get inside. He blinked, their movements too fast to comprehend. The faces were familiar. Dameron. Hux. What were they doing here?

“What are you doing here?” he found himself asking. Hadn’t he told them to let him be?

“Making you leave your apartment for once. Take a shower, too,” Hux responded in tone that boded no objections.

God, Hux was worse than his mother.

“Come on, stop wallowing in self-pity,” Poe sing-songed cheerfully, trying to ease the atmosphere. Ben gave him a blank look.

“Leave me alone.”

He studiously ignored the concerned looks his friends exchanged. He was so, so tired.

Unsurprisingly, Dameron wouldn’t acquiesce.  
“Let’s party, live a little. Relax, flirt a bit.”

“He hasn’t flirted in his entire life,” Hux deadpanned, making the other man roll his eyes.

“Hi, I’m Ben. Solo, like solo cups,” he tried to make his voice deeper and more solemn. “A perfect pick up line.”

The ginger side-eyed him in exasperation. “You’re ridiculous.”

Ben agreed. Why was he still tolerating them and not kicking them out? Years of friendship that were hard to forget, that’s why.

“Just let me be,” he sighed exhaustedly.

His friends shared _a look_.

“You’re coming with us whether you like it or not.”

**December 2020**

The insufferable doorbell rang and rang. Someone, no doubt Dameron, also pounded the door.

“Ben! Ben! Be-en!”

Goodness, why the hell did he have to have such an obnoxious friend?

“Not home,” he yelled through the door. Why he couldn’t just read his book in peace was beyond him.

“Open up.”

Hux. Wonderful. Now they were going to break his door down. Where one was persistent, the other was methodical. Together, his friends were scary. Part of the reason they all worked together so well – they complemented each other’s personalities.

Irritated beyond belief, Ben yanked it open. “What do you want?”

The men exchanged nonplussed looks.

“Merry Christmas to you too,” Hux announced, letting himself in. Poe followed suit.

“Christmas is not for another week,” Ben reminded them exasperatedly. He wasn’t ready for the whole festive madness yet, thank you very much.

“Who cares?” Poe retorted with his usual optimism. “We have to party!”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“No.”

This was starting to get old.

“When was the last time you left your apartment?” Hux asked sceptically, like he had any place to judge. Then again, at least he had an excuse in the form of a spouse and a kid.

What did he ask again? Oh. Well. That was a difficult question. “I got groceries,” he said unsurely. The ginger groaned.

“Ben. You can’t live like this.”

Really now? Who’s there to stop him? Uncle Luke was allowed to be a hermit but he wasn’t? How fair was that?

“Yes, I can,” he pointed out blankly.

“Lighten up,” Poe butted in. “We have a bash to attend.”

“No,” Ben growled, naively expecting them to get the message and to fuck off.

Hux eyed him carefully. “It’s a _decent_ party.”

“Is it one of Poe’s friends’?”

“Yes.”

Very funny. “Then no.”

Dameron huffed. “You leave us no choice.” With that he marched toward Ben’s bedroom, Hux hot on his trail.

“What does Gwen think about this?” Ben demanded as his friends dived into his wardrobe. Surely, she wouldn’t be happy to know what her husband was up to instead of spending time with her and Millie.

Hux considered a navy blue shirt. “She’s in the car waiting for you. She’ll be up in fifteen minutes if you keep stalling.”

“Fuck.”

Gwen Phasma was a force to reckon with and no less scary than Ben’s own mother. Fuck indeed.

“Language,” Hux reminded him primly.

“I promise, there will be boring people, too,” Dameron tried to be reassuring. “My buddy Finn’s girlfriend is hosting.”

“She’s a surgeon at Gwen’s hospital,” Hux chimed in. “I promise, they’re a decent crew.”

“You won’t leave me be?” Ben asked helplessly.

Hux handed him a burgundy sweater and dark jeans. “Not a chance.”

“Either change now or I’m picking your outfit,” Dameron threatened.

“Fine.”

Ben wasn’t even a bit surprised when he realized how many people were actually attending. The house was bursting with a crowd sporting all sorts of ugly sweaters and festive clothes having fun while the music blared loudly. Boring people. Small gathering. Right.

“You said it was _a little_ party,” Ben turned to his friends accusingly.

Poe snorted.

“Trust me, this is little.”

Very reassuring.

Gwen shepherded him inside before he could protest, Hux grabbed his coat, and he had no choice but to stay. Damn it. His friends made a couple of introductions here and there before Poe dragged him over to a spitfire of a woman in a sweater with working fairy lights and her smiley companion wearing deer antlers.

“Ben, this is my buddy Finn.”

The man waved. “Hi.”

“And his girlfriend Rose.”

The woman gave him a dazzling smile. “Nice to meet you.”

“And this is Finn’s friend Rey.”

It felt like all of the air was suddenly sucked out of the room.

The woman, Rey, was _stunning_. Ben couldn’t remember the last time a woman caused such a visceral, or _any_ , reaction, if he were being honest with himself. This one – there was something about her. Maybe it was her ethereal beauty – glowing skin, wide-set large eyes, delicate bone structure, the goddamn freckles, maybe it was the warmth in her eyes, real, soft, maybe something else. Either way, Ben was a goner.

“They go way back,” Poe droned on, oblivious to his reaction. “Rey is…”

“Head Nurse,” she supplied. Damn, even her voice was melodic, like pure golden honey.

“Yeah,” Poe nodded distractedly, his attention already focused elsewhere. “Hey, Jannah…”

“A nurse?” Ben found himself asking, his whole body drawn to her like a magnet.

“Yes,” Rey smiled shyly. “Finn and I work together. Rose, too, although she’s a surgeon.”

“Right. My friend Gwen is a therapist in your hospital,” he supplied, trying to keep the conversation going.

She blinked. “Oh. I didn’t realize. Ben, right? So what do you do?”

It was some sort of a miracle. What was usually a struggle with his shyness and awkward demeanor came to him naturally. The conversation flowed. Rey looked genuinely happy to spend time with him. Despite all odds, she smiled, she laughed, she… flirted? Ben was pretty damn sure she did. Someone as amazing, witty, and beautiful as Rey was actually _flirting_ with him. It was mind-blowing.

They drifted to the kitchen where it was quieter, trying to get to know each other and for the first time in five years Ben realized he wanted to ask someone out. He _would_ ask Rey out, he owed himself that.

“I haven’t had this much fun in forever,” she smiled, his personal sun lightening his lonely existence.

“Me neither,” he said honestly. “I rarely…”

“Go out?” Rey supplied innocently.

Ben chuckled. “Yeah.”

She didn’t look off-put. “I can relate. Do you think I can get your phone number?” Rey asked softly. His heart skipped a beat. So she was interested, too?

“Sure.” He rattled off his phone number as she dexterously typed it into her own device. 

“Ben…?”

“Solo. Like solo cups,” he joked, an ill-formed attempt to sound cool.

Rey’s smile faltered. “Oh. I…” She looked suddenly pale. “I need to check on something.”

Before Ben had a chance to redeem himself, she was gone.

Rey didn’t come back. Ben waited, lost and confused, a good thirty minutes before deciding to find her himself. Was she OK? Was she unwell?

He stumbled upon Finn first. “Where’s Rey?”

“She just left,” the guy responded with a slight frown. “Said she had a headache.”

Rose was at their side in a moment. “Did something happen?”

“I don’t know. We were talking and then she…” Ben shook his head. “I’m worried.”

“I’ll check on her,” Finn promised with a friendly smile.

“Thanks, man.”

At least she had his number, Ben thought to himself. She’d call.

Rey never called. She never texted, or let him hear from her in any way, shape, or form. Ben was left wondering what he did to offend her. For a brief, fleeting moment they were good, great even. Rey only got upset after hearing his last name.

Was it about his father? Ben gritted his teeth. Had she known him? What nonsense had Han fed her? Had he hurt her himself? Was it about Ben being a shitty son, not good enough to interest his own dad? What? Even years later, from the grave, his father found ways to fuck up his life.

“She still hasn’t called?” Hux asked with concern one night.

Ben shook his head.

“No. I don’t know what I did.”

Poe sighed tiredly, shaking his head. “No one does. Rey is… complicated. Finn’s words, not mine,” he said quickly under Ben’s glare. “She never parties, never dates, she’s just…”

“Sounds like someone I know,” Hux commented off-handedly.

Ben’s heart squeezed. He knew they were similar in more ways than one and having that connection so cruelly broken.…

“Can you ask Finn for her number?” he found himself asking. “I want to apologize.”

“For what?” his friends asked, befuddled.

Ben rubbed his eyes in exhaustion. “I don’t know. For something.” Anything that would break this weird standstill.

Poe’s face softened in pity.  
“Will do, mate.”

When Dameron didn’t get back to him the next day with Rey’s number Ben realized that Finn probably told him off which meant that Rey was royally pissed. But for what? What did he do? He thought back to that night and came back with nothing. It was typical Solo luck, another amazing inheritance from his dad. The first woman he was interested in in years just ghosted him.

By Sunday Ben had lost any and all hope he had. What else could he possibly expect from life, really? That’s why he was surprised to hear his doorbell ring and even more so to see his friends waiting there. It was turning into a bad habit.

“Dameron? Hux? What are you doing here?” he asked confusedly.

“We’re going for a walk,” the ginger announced in that clipped manner of his.

Ben blinked, confused.

A walk wasn’t their thing. They didn’t do hiking and such, their temperaments too different to allow it. When the three of them wanted to hang out, they would meet for a drink somewhere quiet or go to someone’s apartment. It wasn’t easy to match their schedules, with Ben being a typical introvert, Hux being married with a kid, and Poe being his flamboyant free-spirited self.

And yet, against all reason, his friends dragged him out _to a park_ , of all places.

“Why are we here?” Ben demanded, baffled. “Don’t you have places to be?”

Poe just smiled serenely. “It’s a lovely day, look at the sun, look at these lovely people! Oh, isn’t that Rey?” he asked abruptly. “Hello, Rey!”

Ben’s head automatically swiveled toward her. There she was, the woman who occupied most of his waking thoughts, sitting on a bench among some young mothers and their kids, adjusting a scarf on a small child. Seeing them approach, she tensed, her face a perfectly passive mask.

“Hello,” she greeted them coldly. “Go play, BB.”

The boy dashed toward the playground, leaving Ben to wonder at the relation between the two. Who was he? Was he Rey’s? Did she have a partner? That would explain a thing or two.

“Nice weather today, right?” Poe asked cheerfully. “A good time for a walk. We’ll go ahead, you two can catch up.” With that, he and Hux continued, leaving Ben firmly behind.

“Hi,” he offered awkwardly.

Silence.

Rey didn’t say anything, walking out of earshot of other parents, then turned to him abruptly, her eyes narrowed.

“What do you want?”

“I…” Ben faltered, shocked by her cold treatment. The warm inviting woman he had met was now surrounded by impenetrable walls. “What did I do to offend you so?”

“Really?” she snorted without amusement.

He looked at her, startled by the cruel notes in her tone.

“I don’t understand.”

“You wouldn’t,” Rey answered bitterly, her eyes darting away to the child on the playground.

Ben followed her gaze, confused.

“Is he yours?”

“Yes.” Clipped, cold. No other explanations given. 

“You didn’t tell me,” he said softly. Not accusing, never accusing, just trying to find a sliver of sense in the bizarre situation.

Rey’s eyes burned. “You didn’t tell me lots of things either.”

These cryptic replies drove him crazy.

“Please, what did I do? Was it my father?” Ben asked desperately. What could he do to rectify it? To make her look happy again?

Rey shook her head. “Why do you care?”

How could she be so cold and indifferent after everything? He refused to accept that.

“I thought we had something,” Ben murmured, feeling lost. She opened her mouth to protest it, but he stopped her. “We _had_ something, don’t deny it. I haven’t felt such a connection to anyone since… maybe ever. Please, Rey, talk to me.”

Here, all of him, desperate, longing, at her feet. And she wouldn’t even bother.

Rey’s eyes flashed. “You want to talk? Fine.” She dug her phone out of her bag, flipping through her photos. “Ring any bells?”

Ben looked at the picture in her hand. His eyes were immediately drawn to Rey’s face. She was a bit younger and clearly dressed up for a party, but her luminous essence was the same. On the second glance, she was hugging another girl, a bit older, shapely redhead he didn’t recognize, someone who may have attracted quite a few glances, but could hardly compare with Rey’s beauty.

“No,” he responded honestly.

“Mashra?” she pressed. “Halloween frat party? 2016?”

The year did ring quite a few bells, something he would rather not revisit.

“No. I mean I went to one,” Ben amended, remembering that terrible party that made it to the top 5 of his worst experiences that year, “but I was so sloshed I can’t remember anything,” he answered. Not that he wanted to.

Rey snorted. “I’ll fill in the gaps. That’s my foster sister, the closest thing I had to family.”

Ben felt as lost as ever.

“In 2016 she met someone at that party, someone tall, dark, and handsome. They had a _moment_.” Rey’s tone left no doubt of the nature of that moment. “She gave him her number. He never called. Two months later Mashra realized she was pregnant.”

Ben blinked, still confused.

“She tried to find him, but the only thing she remembered was his surname. Solo,” Rey spat with particular viciousness, “like solo cups. Never succeeded. Nine months later she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Two years later she died in a car crash. Now look me in the eye and tell me _it wasn’t you_ ,” she enunciated every word.

Ben’s mind reeled. How was it possible? It wasn’t. Not with him being the way he was, not with how much he drank that day, not with what happened that month. Impossible. That child wasn’t his.

“It wasn’t me,” he answered honestly, knowing in his heart that he was telling the truth.

Rey didn’t even look surprised. “That’s what I thought,” she scoffed, turning back to the playground. “BB, home!” She turned back to Ben. “Find me when you grow a pair. Or better yet, never.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben fights for his chance with Rey, but can she believe him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A giant thank you to my beta fulcrum_of_pemberley for wonderful suggestions for this chapter.

Ben didn’t tell either Hux or Dameron anything. How could he even find the right words? Rey thought he was the father of the boy in her charge. Was he, though? Of course not. But the thought of being a father made his heart clench. For Ben, kids were not in the book, at least not with how things were. And now he was beginning to realize it was something he wanted deep down.

In another life, Ben would have reached out to his father. In another life, Han would have helped to guide him through the overwhelming confusion and frustration, would have found an explanation that would make sense. In another life, Han would have actually been _involved_. In another life he wouldn’t have been dead.

Instead, Ben reached out to his mother. His parents couldn’t have been more different. Where his dad brought confusion and hesitation, his mom made things make sense. Where Han had left, Leia had stayed.

It hadn’t always been that way. As a kid, he had had a front row seat to his parents’ fights – his mom’s burgeoning political career was perpetually at odds with his dad being a simple truck driver, and that only officially. Both would leave for days, with Ben, their needy and emotional child, staying behind with countless nannies. Both expected the other one to stay at home. Both let their passion get the better of them, and all the while their son became more and more withdrawn and moody.

It had taken Ben getting into quite some trouble for Leia to come sort it out in person. Principal Snoke hadn’t been a kind man, nor had he chosen his words to be so. He’d stated plainly that Ben’s behaviour had just been a reflection of their messy marriage and their abysmal parenting style. What sort of a mother had Leia been if she wasn’t capable of making her child behave and what sort of a public servant if she couldn’t control her own husband? Snoke had been trying to tell her to stick her ambitions where the sun didn’t shine, but Leia had heard something else – she and Han, their struggle, had been hurting their son. It had been enough for her.

Next time her husband had come home it hadn’t been for a fight and then a passionate make-up. Leia had calmly sat him down and explained that either they would try and be a real family or they would have to part ways. Ben hadn’t known what exactly had been said that day, but in the end Han had signed the divorce papers and left. His freedom ended up being more important than his family.

That night Leia had cried herself to sleep, but the next morning she had given her life an about turn. She’d quit her job and started teaching at the local university, but more importantly she had been there for Ben, no excuses.

Han, on the other hand, had decided to leave their lives completely, rare meetings turning into even more rare calls, then ceasing altogether. Perhaps he was too proud to admit to the failure of his marriage or never knew how to connect with his son. He’d walked out not only on his wife that day, but on Ben, too. It wasn’t forgettable or forgivable.

Leia had started teaching PoliSci and Women Studies, eventually making it to Department Head and then to Dean, with the support of her old friend Amilyn Holdo. Ami had been there through thick and thin and somewhere along the way their friendship morphed into something more. Ben accepted the fact easily; she made his mom happy and Leia deserved happiness.

What Han thought of it they never really found out. He was pretty indifferent over the phone and didn’t attend the wedding, which seemed to be telling, but little did they know that he was fighting his own battle with cancer at the time. They hadn’t found out that little piece of information until it was too late, Han always keeping his cards close to his chest. Was it because he had felt like he hadn’t deserved support from the family he had abandoned? Was it because he hadn’t wanted them in his life? Who knew. The only thing Ben did know for sure was that unlike Han, Leia was always on his side.

So after a week of frustration, doubts, second thoughts, and feverish dreams of Rey and Rey alone he caved in and drove to his mother’s home.

Leia’s house had always been his ultimate place of comfort. It looked like a Pinterest picture and smelled like home and was so utterly Leia that his shoulders involuntarily relaxed. His mother came out to greet him with a fierce hug, far stronger than you’d expect from someone of her petite built.

“Hey, Mom,” Ben murmured into her greying hair.

“Hi, baby.” It didn’t matter that he was thirty and twice her size, he was still her baby boy.

“Where’s Ami?” he wondered when he didn’t see his step-mother inside.

“She has a conference, you know how much they like to invite her as a guest speaker,” Leia responded with barely hidden pride.

“Yeah.”

Ben knew first-hand. Amilyn taught psychology, had quite a few books under her belt, and had a knack for public speaking. She was good at it, too; it was thanks to her and Gwen’s professional help that he wasn’t completely consumed by depression after.… After.

Leia looked at him curiously, her ability to read his mood uncanny.

“What is it?”

Ben’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t know what to do.”

And just like that he poured his soul out, from the first chance meeting to their instant connection, to finding her again and Rey’s reaction, to the news she dumped upon him, to his own desperate longing to connect with her, to her palpable hatred. Leia never interrupted him, quietly drinking her fragrant floral tea from a delicate porcelain teacup adorned with lavender, Amilyn’s favorite, her eyes full of sympathy and understanding. Ben’s hands finally dropped to his own cup.

“Say something, please.”

“Well,” his mother paused, her expression pensive. “I won’t ask you if you’re sure whether this child isn’t yours. But I’ll tell you this.” She looked at him seriously. “Your girl, Rey, is a mother and between a man and her child, a mother will always pick the child.”

Ben frowned. This was not what he expected to hear. “But she’s not his actual mother.”

“She’s his sole caretaker and loves him which is essentially the same,” Leia pointed out, not unkindly. “Benny, you must understand that she’ll put his priorities first.”

He sighed, accepting the truth. If he wanted a place in Rey’s life, he’d have to take a second seat. “I know.”

Leia gave him an odd look. “Do you really? What are you going to do then?”

“No idea.”

Every single cell in his body cried out for Rey, for her smile, for her touch, for that instant feeling of belonging between them, but she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. How could he break this impasse?

“I think you do,” Leia smiled softly. “Tell me, is Rey important to you?”

Ben did not hesitate. “Yes, so much. I’ve never met anyone like her.”

“Then she’s worth it. You know what you have to do. Just be honest with her.” His mother gently covered his hand with hers. “I know it’s scary, I know it’s hard, but Benny, it has been _years_. You deserve to be happy.”

A wave of affection flooded him immediately. “I love you, Mom.”

Leia smiled, her eyes full of adoration. “Love you, too, baby.”

She was right as always, his mother. Ben had to do something. He simply had no other choice. Whenever Ben pictured her angry face and bitter accusations and began to doubt himself, he thought back to their one magical evening, and took courage. He’d never felt such a sense of comfort and belonging as he had with her for those brief few hours.

Somehow Poe managed to get him Rey's address with the miniscule amount of information he was willing to offer and one day Ben found himself at Rey's doorstep, a toy railway station packed in a pretty bag in his arm. Maybe he should have at least brought flowers to sweeten the deal, then again, maybe not. She might not be a flowers girl.

The door opened, revealing Rey’s smiley face that abruptly lost any semblance of happiness. Off to a great start already.

"Hi," Ben tried tentatively, bracing himself for an outburst. Here she was, the woman of his dreams in the flesh, ready to bite his head off.

She pressed the door firmly behind her back, her anxiety visible on her face. "What do you think you’re doing here?" There was no friendliness in her tone, no softness, only harsh edges, sharp enough to cut.

"You told me to find you," he said helplessly.

Rey didn't look pleased by this development.

"Oh, so now you decided to play the benevolent daddy?" she snarked, the mask of anger firmly on her face now.

"No, I think I deserve a normal conversation," he stubbornly responded to her snide tone. A confrontation would win him nothing.

Rey snorted, bitterness seeping from her every word. "Really now? You couldn’t bother to call a girl you fucked at a drunken party and now you deserve anything from me?"

Ben gritted his teeth. "I told you, it wasn’t me."

"So you refuse to own up to your own actions?" she taunted.

He tried his best not to give in to it.

"I do _not_. Will you just listen to me?" he asked in frustration. This magnificent woman would drive him crazy one way or another.

"I don’t owe you a single fucking thing," Rey hissed, her eyes full of fury.

Ben's temper flared at last.

"I think you do. You accuse me of being the villain of this story and yet you refuse to give me five minutes of your time?" he threw back at her. "So I’m the bad guy because your friend and I attended a party the same day? Was it even the same party?!"

For a moment she was taken aback, but not for long, no. This woman took no quarter. "How many people are out there with the last name Solo? Do you know?"

"Do you?" he retaliated.

Rey shook her head impatiently, logic put aside to give place to her protective instincts. "Whatever. I don’t need your excuses."

And that hurt. Ben hadn't known her for long, but she already painted him as a villain in this story, unfoundedly, unfairly, without giving him a chance. He tried so hard to give her an explanation, but was denied even that small mercy. His patience snapped.

"Tough, because you’re going to listen to them anyway, now that you made up your mind about me," he said bitterly, ignoring the way her eyes widened. "Want to know why I went to a freaking frat party of all places? Because my friends made me leave my home for the first time in days. They thought I was getting depressed, which I was,” Ben admitted reluctantly. “I got hammered straight away and fell asleep in the bathroom. They had to drag me home afterwards." He still shuddered to think of that night.

Rey's eyes hardened even more, if that was possible. "I’m supposed to believe that?"

Ben didn't deign to give her a reply. "I got depressed because my father died earlier that month. We didn’t have the best relationship and we never got to make amends. Believe it or not, I was devastated. When I came back after the funeral, I caught my girlfriend in a bed with another guy. I was going to propose. So trust me when I say that I neither wanted nor was in any state for a hook-up, with your friend or anyone," he blurted out before he had a chance to reconsider. That time was still hard to think of, much less to talk about. But Rey deserved the truth. She was worth it. "Whatever you think, I’m not his father."

Rey stared at him with her mouth agape, shock clearly visible on her face. "You’re serious," she murmured incredulously, as if afraid to believe him.

"Yes." Ben tried his best to convey his sincerity.

"Then _why are you here_?"

How could she not know? Had he not shown it clear enough? "For you,” he breathed out reverently. “I couldn’t stop thinking of you since we met. I know you felt it, too. Don’t be afraid. Rey, please, give me a chance."

She just stood there stunned, her conflict was plain to see. It was that pivotal moment that would change everything, that either let the fear reign or lose. Then slowly, unsurely, she opened the door and let him in. It felt like the ice had finally broken.

Ben let out a relieved breath as he slipped into her small but cosy apartment. Rey immediately shepherded him to her tiny kitchen table before he had any chance to explore, closed the door, and leaned on it with her arms crossed, keeping a distance between them. Clearly, she wasn’t quite won over yet.

"If, and it’s a big if, you’re telling the truth," she started suspiciously, "then you must realize that I’m just a woman who works more hours than she should while raising a kid alone. I have no time for a casual relationship, I don’t date. That bash was the first night out I had in a month. You don’t want that."

"Yes, I do," Ben insisted with his inherited stubbornness. His whole body screamed for her, to take her into his arms, to call her his. It was more than a want, it was a need.

"No, you _don’t_. I can’t afford for me or BB to get attached only for you to disappear when things get hard," Rey pressed, her fingers twitching anxiously.

"I won’t." If only she gave him a chance, he’d never, ever leave. He wasn’t his father, he would never.

"You don’t know that," she argued, although without the bite from before.

"Let me prove it." Ben clung to the fact that her expression faltered for a moment, it filled him with hope. "Please. I’ll stay. You don’t have to be alone. I’ll be with you. Let us try. Please."

Rey bit her lip, seemingly at war with herself. Her guards were too high to let anyone in, too strong so as to protect her fragile heart. But she wanted to, Ben could tell. Then her shoulders dropped.

"Fine,” Rey bit out as if it pained her to acquiesce. “Call it a trial period. And don’t expect to get into my pants any time soon," she warned, noticing his unrestrained enthusiastic expression. "No sex. I mean it."

Ben grinned, his elation too strong to keep it in. "I can live with that."

Rey eyed him sceptically. "And you have to get along with BB."

"I’ll try." He knew it straight away. It would take time, too, but it will be worth it.

Giving him one last dubious look, she escorted him into the living room and called the boy. The skittish little thing hid behind Rey’s legs, peeking out bashfully, like a tiny little bird out of its nest.

"BB, honey, do you remember Ben? We saw him at the park," she cooed, her tone changing completely around the kid. He nodded shyly. "Will you play with him?"

BB looked at him from under his lashes, too skittish to approach. Ben crouched down, getting the toy train out of the bag. The kid needed time to get used to him, but a good incentive would help.

"Hi. Do you like trains?"

The boy nodded with a tiny smile. It felt like a start.

True to her word, Rey kept the distance between them well-defined. It wasn’t the blatant animosity from before, but she didn’t throw herself at him either. Every time, he had to approach her like an easily spooked little animal; she wouldn't even let him hug her, but it was OK. Someone who had her heart broken before was allowed to show caution. Ben could wait. He had time. BB was also slowly warming up to him, while still being skittish and shy, so there was that.

One day, though, the balance shifted. Rey frantically called him out of the clear blue sky on a weekday, her agitation palpable over the phone.

"Hey, I hate to bother you. Are you busy?"

"No, it’s fine. What’s up?" Ben asked confusedly. She had never called him first before.

On the other end Rey took a deep breath, as if preparing for a refusal. "I was called to work, there was a big accident, but my usual babysitter isn’t available and.…"

Oh. She needed him. She needed him so desperately that she _called_ and was willing to trust him with her precious child. He was stunned.

"I’m coming right now," Ben said as fast as he could. Work could wait. Him being a programmer allowed for a certain freedom anyway.

Twenty minutes later, Rey was giving him hasty instructions while throwing on her coat.

"His food is in the fridge, don’t let him watch too much TV and no sweets."

Ben nodded solemnly. "I’ve got it. Go."

With one last panicky look at BB Rey dashed out. As the door closed, he leaned down to the kid's height.

"Hey, buddy. How are you?"

BB eyed him pensively, biting his lip. "Want to play twains?" It was as good of a welcome as it could be.

The kid was adorable, if Ben said so himself. He was sweet, shy, and quiet, just like he himself had been. BB loved dinos and trains and was a bit embarrassed by his fiery red hair, just like his mother’s on that memorable photo he saw that day in the park. They fell into a nice routine with Ben reading him bits from a dinosaur encyclopedia Rey had gotten him for his birthday and the boy retelling facts he remembered.

When Rey texted that she would be even later, he realized that it wouldn’t be just BB who needed dinner. A fridge inspection left him deeply unsatisfied, but Ben knew how to remedy that. 

"Do you think we can cook your mom dinner? She must be really tired," he suggested to the boy. BB nodded eagerly. So Ben ordered groceries from his app and called Leia for a recipe.

By the time Rey returned, the kid was in bed and Ben was quietly reading a book on her couch. She looked completely exhausted and all Ben wanted was to gather her into his arms and kiss the frown between her eyebrows away. Too bad it was too soon for that.

"I’m so sorry I’m late, things were out of hand,” she sighed tiredly. “Is everything OK?"

He smiled gently. "It’s fine. How are you?"

"Where’s BB?" Rey asked instead of answering.

"Asleep. He had dinner and a bath. No sweets,” Ben promised.

Seeing the boy safely tucked in bed made her shoulders lose some tension. “Oh.”

"Hungry?" he asked.

Rey sniffed the air, her eyes widening in surprise.

"You made dinner?"

Ben shrugged. "It wasn’t a big deal. I just thought you’d be hungry."

The look of appreciation she sent his way could melt ice. When Rey saw the already set table, her eyes filled with grateful tears.

"Thank you," she whispered, surprising him with a hug.

Ben’s heart almost left his chest.

"You’re welcome. I promised you’re not alone."

"Neither are you," she mumbled into him. "Stay for dinner, please."

He did. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia gets to meet Rey and BB and the question of his parentage is raised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many-many-many thanks to my amazing beta fulcrum_of_pemberley.

Things changed after that fateful dinner: not drastically, just in the way the light changes in a room after the windows are cleaned. It felt to Ben like he had somehow passed a test he hadn’t been aware of and proved he was one to be trusted. One who _stayed_. It didn’t magically fix everything, but Rey was opening up to him like a flower to the sun. Her shoulders didn’t hold that invisible tension anymore when he was around, nor did she shy away from touch. A hug here and there or simply the ability to hold her hand meant the world to him, but the time Rey kissed his cheek? Ben _ascended_.

Somehow, before he realized it, he became a fixture in her and BB’s life, with dinners and brunches, walks and occasional babysitting sessions, warm drinks and honest talks. Now that Rey’s defences had lowered, she opened up about her childhood in the foster system, how she had bonded with Mashra in the group home, how they met again by sheer luck later, when Rey got into med school and how she was sure that without meeting Finn and Roseand having their support she wouldn't have made it through, how she had to work three times as hard to carve for herself a life on her own, how Mashra asked her to be BB’s godmother, and how gutted Rey was to lose her only family.

In turn, Ben told her about Han, about feeling abandoned throughout his childhood, his rekindled relationship with his mom, the friendship with Hux and Poe that had lasted through school and into adulthood. He told her how Kes Dameron had tried his best to be a good role model to not one, but three boys, two of whom had neglectful (and in Armitage’s case, borderline abusive) fathers, how Leia stepped in when the Damerons lost Shara, how his friends were there for him after Han and the disastrous ending of his previous relationship, how Gwen, Hux’s wife, and Amilyn, his step-mother, helped him to find his way out of depression after everything.

Rey, in a huge show of trust, took him to meet her friends, Finn and Rose, and the latter gave him the fiercest hug, whispering her thanks for being there for Rey. Ben, in turn, took her to meet the Huxes and soon Millie and BB were getting along like a house on fire, although the little tyrant sometimes went all imperious on the poor boy. Luckily, Rey liked both Gwen and Armitage; their reserved temperament appealed to her more than Poe’s overwhelming energy.

One could say that Ben and Rey’s relationship had turned into a solid friendship, but in reality it was more. There was a deeper layer to their bond, a tentative feeling neither was ready to acknowledge, lest they shift the precarious balance. Until it was tilted again.

It was to be expected, really, that Leia would eventually tire of waiting.

“So, when am I going to meet them?” she interrupted Ben’s recounting of BB’s latest antics.

“Hmm?”

“Benny, I’d really like to meet your girl and her son,” she repeated impatiently, not taking any excuses.

“Mom,” Ben groaned, sensing that this time it was a moot point. In reality he didn’t want to deprive Leia of meeting people so precious to him, but Rey still showed quite a bit of apprehension regarding his family and Ben was still too afraid to damage their fragile relationship. That, and Rey was worried about how his family would accept BB, and his parentage was still a topic they skirted around.

“You can’t keep them hidden forever,” his mother wisely pointed out.

She was infuriatingly right, as always.

Ben sighed. “I’ll talk to Rey.”

It was easier said than done. The woman of his dreams was skittish, enough to be daunted by the prospect of meeting the fearsome Leia Organa, ex-politician, dean, author, and public speaker. He had to proceed with caution.

Thankfully, Amilyn would be there to work her magic. They agreed to keep it a casual affair, just tea, nothing big, and certainly not offering any heirloom engagement rings to try on. Ami, bless her, swore to keep her wife in check. The only thing left was to obtain Rey’s consent.

“Please don’t be alarmed,” Ben started, earning a wide-eyed look from her, “but my mom wants us to come for tea.”

“Us?” she asked carefully, eyeing BB.

He nodded. “Us.”

“I’m not sure.…”

“She promised to behave,” Ben hastily interjected, hoping he sounded convincing enough. “Ami will make sure of it. Although, knowing mom, she’s probably pulled out all my childhood photos…”

“Does…” Rey stammered, seemingly at a loss, “doesn’t she hate me?”

Ben did a double take. His mother was a passionate woman, but hate? Someone like Rey?

“Hate you? Why?”

She gave him an incredulous look. “Because of how I treated you. Because I think that BB is yours.”

The present tense didn’t go unnoticed, but Ben pushed the slight sting aside. It wasn’t the time or place.

“I promise she doesn’t hate you. She loves you because you make me happy.”

Rey’s lips parted in surprise; she acquired that doe-eyed look Ben loved so much.

“Do I?”

“Yes.” Wasn’t it obvious how she made him feel? Her mere presence was like spring coming after a long winter.

Rey looked at him pensively. “Let me think about it.”

She _did_ think about it because the next day she gave him her hesitant agreement. To Ben it served as an additional testament of how far they had come. Rey’s trust stretched far enough to include his family and he would be damned if he let her down.

The next Sunday morning, Ben’s car pulled up to his mother’s home. Beside him, Rey gasped.

“You never said your family was loaded,” she murmured, half-accusation, half-trepidation.

BB squealed about the “pwetty house,” unaware of his godmother’s concerns.

Ben frowned. “No? I guess I never thought of it that way.”

Loaded? Sure, his childhood home was nice, in a good part of town, but it seemed average to him. But to Rey, growing up with as little as she had, this must seem amazingly privileged. Now he felt guilty for his insensitivity.

His mother was anxiously waiting for them, although a casual observer would never be able to tell. She looked immaculate with her stylish outfit and a braided up-do when she threw her arms around him.

“Benny!”

He returned the hug fondly, then enveloped Amilyn.

“Mom, Ami, this is Rey and BB.”

The boy shyly hid behind Rey’s legs while she attempted a brave smile to hide her trepidation.

Leia and Amilyn beamed at her.

“Hello, aren’t you a lovely young lady?” Leia cooed. “And you, dear, are adorable,” she proclaimed at BB who squirmed bashfully.

Amilyn ushered them all inside while Rey let out a small breath of relief.

“Thank you for having us. BB is a bit cautious.”

Leia waved her off. “That’s fine, Benny used to be just like that.”

“Did he?” she eyed him curiously, her eyes darting toward the boy as if searching for a resemblance.

“He was such a shy sweetheart,” Amilyn smiled fondly at the memory.

“He still is,” Leia quipped with a meaningful glance that made Ben blush.

Ami crouched down to BB’s height. “Hi there, love, do you want a cookie?”

The boy nodded shyly. Knowing her, the cookies were probably artistic Madeleines with white chocolate and lavender or something, but BB seemed satisfied with them.

The meeting seemed to be going fine. Both Leia and Amilyn asked polite question, trying to get to know Rey better while feeding her funny snippets of Ben’s childhood. BB basked in all the affection, his shyness forgotten in the face of sweet treats. For a whole whopping minute, it seemed that nothing would break this equilibrium. And then Leia made her move.

“Rey, dear, I did some thinking,” she started, ignoring Ben’s sudden agitation, “and since it seems that BB is the closest thing I’ll ever have to a grandbaby…”

“Mom,” he warned her, noticing how Rey had subconsciously tensed.

“So I wanted to ask your permission to add him to the family trust fund,” Leia finished unapologetically.

Rey looked stunned. “What?”

“Our family has a trust fund,” the woman repeated calmly. “Two actually.”

Rey’s face was rapidly losing color.

Ben groaned. “Mom!”

“Darling, you’re scaring her,” Amilyn warned.

Leia was undeterred.

“Has Benny never told you?”

Rey turned to him with wide eyes.

“N-no.” And there it was, the old suspicion he had thought gone. “So, why haven't you mentioned it?”

Shit, this looked bad. Like he was trying to hide his family money, which he certainly wasn’t. It was just that neither Ben nor Leia even used the funds. And then Rey was so skittish.

“I just never wanted to make you uncomfortable. Forgive me,” he apologized.

“You never thought it was important to mention you have a _trust fund_?” Rey asked with narrowing eyes.

“Two,” his mother chimed in. 

Ben glared at her.

“You won’t even let me pay for your groceries, how was I to know you wouldn’t run screaming for the hills over that much money?” he asked Rey. “Besides, it’s not like I use it. I work for a living and so does Mom.”

“They are more of a safety net, really,” Amilyn tried to sweeten the pill. “Think of it as an investment.”

“Investment?” Rey repeated dumbly.

“In your future,” Leia jumped on the case. “You are an independent woman, you don’t need money, but BB…” She gave her a meaningful look. “He could use extra support for schooling or college.”

Rey’s eyes opened wide. “There’s enough for college?”

“There’s enough for his grandkids’ college,” the other woman chuckled.

Seeing Rey’s shock, Ben decided to intervene. “If that’s what you want,” he said soothingly. It didn’t diminish her stress at all. Rey helplessly looked between the three of them, struggling to find her words.

“I… Ben…”

He could read her as clearly as a book. She was afraid, afraid to tie herself or BB to his family, afraid he would resent her touching his money, afraid it all was an elaborate ploy, afraid to deprive BB of this opportunity. Ben couldn’t let her descend into panic.

“I told you, it’s not mine,” he said soothingly, trying to show his support and acceptance for anything she decided. “Do whatever feels right.”

“You’d just be securing his future,” Leia repeated with her own brand of subtle pressure.

Rey bit her lip, glancing at the boy. BB was deeply concentrated on playing with his trains and had little concern for the adult talk around him. He was still so small and delicate, relying only on her for support and protection, and her decision was made.

“Just for college,” she responded, reaching for Ben’s hand under the table. He squeezed it back.

Leia beamed at her. “I’ll get my lawyer to contact you.

On the way back Rey, was uncharacteristically quiet for a while.

“I hope you’re not angry with me,” she murmured eventually.

Ben glanced at her. “For what?”

“For taking some of your money.”

He sighed.

“I told you it isn’t mine. If you’re not comfortable…”

“It’s not that. You… he…” Her brows twisted in confusion as she glanced between him and BB. “I just don’t understand.”

“Don’t understand what?” Ben asked.

Rey just shook her head. “Doesn’t matter.”

Unsure what to do, he did the only thing he could. “All I want is to make you happy, that’s all,” he reassured her. He hoped it was enough.

As it turned out, there were more things set in motion than Ben could have anticipated when Rey agreed to add BB to his family trust. She provided Leia’s lawyers with all the necessary documents and was assured they would take care of everything, but it didn’t quite go as it was supposed to. Leia unexpectedly called him a couple of days later with the news.

“Benny, are you with Rey?”

“Yes, why?” he frowned.

“There was a legal complication. Can you please put me on speaker?”

Sharing a confused look with Rey, he did as he was asked.

“Hi, Leia.”

“Hello, dear.” His mother paused for a moment. “My lawyer contacted me to let us know that there’s a problem with the Amidala trust fund.”

Rey’s brows scrunched in silent confusion.

“The Organa is fine, but the Amidala is solely for family members,” Leia explained, “either by blood or adoption. If you want BB to have access to it, they need a paternity test.”

It was as if a bomb dropped.

“A paternity test?” Rey asked faintly.

They had skirted around the topic all this time, neither willing to broach it. Because deep down, Ben knew that BB wasn’t his, but Rey thought otherwise and tilting the scales would mean breaking the delicate balance and then….

“You don’t have to, of course,” Leia continued, seemingly unaware of their shock, “but it’s an option.”

Rey looked at Ben helplessly, as if wanting him to make a decision for her.

“Whatever you want to do,” was all he could offer.

“I…” She turned to him with anxious determination. “I want to.”

“Great,” Leia chirped on the other side. “Let me know when to schedule the appointment.” With that the call dropped.

The second Ben was alone, he furiously called his mother. This whole stint _smelled_ of her scheming.

“What the hell was that?!”

“Benjamin, language,” Leia warned him, but there was no edge to it.

“You can’t just dump this on her!” he spat. What if Rey freaked out? She would freak out and run and….

“Why not?” his mother asked plainly. “How long have you been dancing around the subject? It’s time to face the truth.”

No, it wasn’t time. It was too early, he couldn’t lose Rey like this. Not her, never her.

“Mother, no.”

Leia sighed deeply. “Ben, if you don’t talk about it, it will always hang over your heads. Please, it’s time.”

It pained him to acknowledge that his mother was right, especially when the stakes were so high. But he had no choice.

“If it backfires, it’s your fault.”

“It will be fine,” his mom promised with far more confidence than he had.

Leia arranged for the doctor appointment as promised. The wait for results was excruciating. Ben became antsy seeing Rey so tense and withdrawn and he could only hope for the results to come as soon as possible. Whatever happened, his feelings wouldn’t change. Hers.… He could only hope for the best.

The day the results were ready, Ben and Rey arrived together, BB left safely in the care of Rose and Finn. Doctor Kanata, a diminutive old woman, handed Rey a manila envelope with an understanding look, no doubt practiced over years of previous patients.

“Here are your results.”

With shaky hands Rey withdrew the paper and then her face froze.

“What?” he asked anxiously.

“Not related,” she stammered, seemingly struggling to breathe. “ _How_ are you not related?”

Panicking, Ben guided her to a chair. “Rey, sweetheart, sit down.”

“I thought… I thought….”

Doctor Kanata handed her a bottle of water before she withdrew to give them some privacy. Ben was at a loss as he rubbed Rey’s back soothingly.

“Look at me. It’s alright. You have nothing to worry about.”

“You _knew_ ,” Rey almost sobbed. “And you let me think.…”

“I told you I wasn’t the father,” Ben murmured, unsure what else to say. He hadn’t lied, he hadn’t made it a secret, he just let some things be for a while.

She looked at him desperately. “I thought you wanted BB because he was.… Why would you even do all of this for someone who’s not your kid?”

Her question was as clear as day. _Why would you stay with me? Why would you want me? Why would you want him? We’re nothing. I’m nothing._

 _But not to me_ , he thought.

Ben knew it was time. All this time he had been too afraid to spook her and now Rey was paying the price.

“Because I love you,” he responded honestly, pouring his whole heart into it. “Everything I did is because I love you and I want to be with you. Both of you.”

“Even though BB is not your son?” she asked confusedly, unable to comprehend the depth of his feelings. “I know how it is, men don’t want someone else’s kids. They don’t even want their own, I would know….”

“Not me,” Ben reassured her.

“But you liked him because you thought he might be…” She paused. “But you _knew_. How did you know?”

Oh. Finally, it came to that. His damage in all its full glory for her to see. Would Rey even want to deal with that? His previous relationships had taught him enough.

“Sweetheart, I knew because I simply can’t sleep around. I’m demisexual,” he finally confessed his most guarded secret.

Rey blinked confusedly, at a loss. “What?”

“Demisexual.” One simple word to cover years of doubts, frustration, and insecurity. A label to explain why he wasn’t normal, a ‘real man’ like everybody else. Why he never could casually hook up with a pretty girl at a bar, why his body refused to respond to women blatantly hitting on him, why his teenage years were spent between frustration and desperation when his peers talked about things to which he simply couldn't relate.

“I can only have sex with people I’m emotionally attached to.” Ben tried to keep his delivery as clinical as possible, to keep his emotions out of the way. “No exceptions. Trust me, I tried.”

He did. For years he tried to figure out why he was broken, what he was doing wrong. And the answer was nothing, he simply was the way he was. Different. Weird. Defective. Well, therapy had forced him to stop believing the last one, but old insecurities were hard to conquer.

Rey gave him an odd look. “I know what demisexual is. It’s not an infertility thing?”

He saw how she could come to this conclusion.

“Not to my knowledge, no.”

This gave him hope; she still hadn’t run away screaming.

“And you’re attracted to me?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Ben breathed out, scared to let her know just how much. How both his body and soul cried out for her. “That night at the party – I have never felt anything like that before. And I thought for so long love would never be in the books for me again and there you were, with your smile and your freckles and those freaking dimples and I…”

His words were muffed by Rey’s lips on his. It wasn’t a gentle kiss by any means, only passion that lacked finesse, but there she was, her lips on his, her hands clutching his sweater, her heartbeat matching his own and he hadn’t ever felt happier.

They broke apart, breathing heavily, both reeling from the spontaneity and everything that had just transpired.

“Take me home,” Rey said.

It wasn’t a request.

Ben gripped the wheel with white knuckles as he tried to keep his nerves in check. Rey texted Rose, explained to her the situation and asked her to keep BB overnight. She kept her face straight every time he glanced at her, but her gaze smoldered. He knew what was happening and what was going to happen, he wasn’t that naïve. They were adults who had finally come to terms with what they wanted – each other. And he had never wanted another woman more than he wanted Rey, body and soul. Knowing that he could have her, that he had her, and concentrating on the road – this was torture.

Her hand on his knee made his blood rush to places he would rather not think about while driving. This woman was making him crazy in all the best ways possible and he was living for every moment of it. Ben couldn’t remember the last time he felt such a potent mix of affection, attraction, and desire, not even with his last girlfriend. Rey was something else entirely.

She caressed his knee, her eyes trained on his face. “You have to be emotionally attracted to a person to want to have sex with them?”

“Yes,” he bit out, wishing she wouldn’t go into the details. Thinking of sex right now was a sure-fire way to make him explode.

Rey licked her lips, calculating.

“Have you?”

“Yes, twice.” But he would rather not go into his previous relationships right now.

She showed no concern or confusion at how a grown man had only been interested this way in two other women before in his entire life.

“And you’re attracted to me?” Rey murmured lowly, her voice making his blood boil.

Ben bit his tongue not to curse. “You have no idea.”

“No, I don’t. But I _want_ to.” So she was intent on killing him, right? “Will it be a problem?”

A problem would be not to take her right here in the car.

“ _No._ ”

Rey’s grin turned predatory. It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, before you come yell at me: sexuality is a spectrum, therefore every individual experience is different. You might identify as demisexual and have an experience different from Ben or you might share the experience, but identify differently. Life is too complex, you know?
> 
> That being said, there's nothing wrong with being on the spectrum and it doesn't make person broken in any way. 
> 
> If you still want to yell, feel free to do it in the comments ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, you all wanted to know who's the daddy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know those days when you want to strangle people with your bare hands? Yeah, I'm so, so sad I can't force-choke. Anyways, the chapter you've been waiting for is here and I hope it's not too disappointing.
> 
> Many thanks to my amazing beta fulcrum_of_pemberley.

Ben woke up to the long-forgotten feeling of a warm, pliant body nestled into him. His eyes fluttered open. _Rey._ His beautiful brave girl. The memories of the previous night flooded him, the passionate kisses, the feverish touches, the mad confessions, the promises whispered into each other’s skin. _All_ of it was real. It wasn’t a dream.

Rey nuzzled into his chest sleepily, one eye cracking just a smidge to look at him. He dropped a gentle kiss to her temple, unable to help it. And why should he after everything?

“Good morning, beautiful.”

“Good morning, handsome,” she murmured into his skin, her voice rough from sleep. “How’re you feeling?”

Surprised by her question, he chuckled. “Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that? But never better.”

Rey gave him a soft satisfied smile. “Me too.”

Of course his heart skipped a beat. He had his whole world lying there in his arms and _she felt it too_. The confession spilled out of him unprompted.

“Love you.”

“Love you, too,” Rey whispered against his lips.

The ice had broken. All the things Ben had forgotten about, all the feelings he had been keeping under lock and key, were spilling out and flooding him like a river in spring, unstoppable, insistent and powerful. He showered Rey with affection and adoration, let her bask in it, which she did greedily, starved for love, for sweet touches and words. Her reaction, her acceptance, surprised him at first, until he remembered that Rey’s life was just as devoid of romantic companionship as his own. They had both kept their walls so high but now that they were down there was no hope of keeping anything in. During all those years while she built her career and raised a child alone, Rey had accumulated wells of affection and gentleness she had no one other than BB to bestow upon. No one until Ben. They fit together perfectly, cut from the same cloth, two pieces of one puzzle, finally clicked in place.

The thing that really did it for him was the domesticity. Sure, the sex was great, the freaking best in his entire life, if he was being honest, so good it made him wonder how he had gone so long without it, but the intimacy – that was what sealed the deal. Sharing meals, holding hands, cuddling, shamelessly giving Rey forehead kisses for all to see. Ben had simple needs and for the first time in years they were finally being met. He could hardly believe his own luck.

Of course this new development had its own struggles, namely how to make space for both family and adult time. He wanted to date Rey, take her to restaurants and movies, give her candy and flowers, worship her between the sheets, but he also wanted to take BB for a walk, and go to amusement parks together and finally visit that dinosaur exhibition he saw in ads. Too bad Rey’s schedule was already dense and irregular and every time he had her over was like a rare precious treat. BB was coming over often, too, his toys and books new additions along with Rey’s bright pillows and mugs to Ben’s spartan apartment. His place felt more lived in now, no longer a simple bachelor pad and he had his girlfriend to thank for that. It was so difficult to let her go every time when she fit into his life so perfectly and Ben wondered more and more why he should, really. It would be better for all sides involved after all.

“Sweetheart, do you really think this is practical?” he asked after Rey cut yet another cuddling session short, having to go home already.

She huffed, slightly amused by his puppy eyes. “Yes, I have an early morning tomorrow.”

“That’s not what I meant at all,” Ben murmured, dropping a line of kisses along her neck. “Wouldn’t it be better if you could stay?” he tried to tempt her.

Rey rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Tell it to my work,” she snorted, wiggling out of his embrace.

He caught her before she got too far away to bestow another kiss on her. “Baby, move in with me.”

Rey froze, looking at him with wide eyes. “Really?”

“You and BB spend more time here than in your own home,” he ever so practically pointed out, “I have more space, we can redecorate if you want.”

A sly grin turned Rey’s lips up. “Redecorate? That’s all you can offer?”

“And you can have me all to yourself,” he purred into her ear.

She pretended to ponder over it. “Mmm, I’d like that.”

“So yes?” Ben asked hopefully.

“Yes!”

After that things moved quite quickly. Rey didn’t want to spend time away from him any more than he did and BB seemed to like his new place even more. So they hired a van, called friends for help, and were soon moved into his apartment to Leia’s utter delight. Ben couldn’t be happier either – the love of his life and the boy he’d grown attached to were now sharing his space and filling all the empty places in his life and his heart. And so, after Rey took him up on his promise to redecorate, he agreed to her throwing a housewarming party, cake and all. It made sense to gather his and her friends in their shared space now; it was a thing couples did after all.

“I really like what you did to this place,” Gwen commented with a smile, admiring the new additions of brighter colors and things that were more decorative than utilitarian. “Ben’s tastes are too…”

“Clinical?” Hux suggested innocently, looking meaningfully at his extremely organized wife.

“That’s your way to say neat freak?” Dameron teased with a shit-eating grin. Then again, compared to his chaotic personality, everyone seemed a neat freak.

“Poe, shut up,” Ben grumbled from his place without any real bite. Rey, sweetly snuggled into his side, made him all warm and benevolent even though his friend was asking to be smacked upside the head.

“Gwen is right, it’s really nice,” Leia piped in with the smug expression of someone who had tried to do that very thing for a while and finally got her way. “Very cozy.”

“I’m glad you think so because it’s all Rey,” he said proudly, kissing her cheek. “She’s the best, really.” Even if she had an incurable addiction to multiple fluffy throws.

“You’re so cute it’s disgusting,” Finn announced with a smirk that implied he could finally get back at Rey for her own teasing.

“And I’m ecstatic my son has someone to be disgusting with,” Leia added fondly, squeezing her wife’s hand.

He snorted. “What a way with words, Mom.”

Amilyn laughed. “Oh please, Benny, let her have her fun.”

The wine was poured, the cake was eaten, and soon the family photos started to go around the table. Phones and albums were drawn out, pictures exchanged, and quite a few opinions were voiced. Everyone commented on how grown up BB was now or how ridiculous Ben, Hux, and Poe looked in their teens or how adorable Rey looked in her scrubs.

“Remember when this was taken?” Rose asked fondly at a picture from her student years.

Finn nodded. “Last year of med school. Crazy, crazy times.”

“BB was such an adorable baby,” Gwen cooed, with which Leia enthusiastically agreed.

“Those red curls are so sweet.”

“Who’s that?” Hux picked out a photo Ben immediately recognized. It was the same one Rey showed him that day in the park, the one with Mashra.

Poe leaned over his shoulder curiously to take a peak.

“Oh, I know her. Mara…” he frowned, “No, Mashra, right?”

Rey’s brows shot up in surprise. “Yes, you met?”

Dameron nodded absently. “Once. It was a party, Halloween or something? My friend from post-grad invited us.” He smiled at the memory, unaware how the hosts froze. “She was so serious, that one, I wanted to make her smile and said my last name was Solo-”

“Like solo cups,” Rey finished blankly, her face devoid of any emotion.

Ben paled, unable to believe his ears. How was this possible? Was it true? After all this time it was…

Poe looked at her curiously. “Yeah, how did you..?”

“She’s BB’s mother.” Rey’s voice sounded completely hollow.

“Huh.”

At first Dameron didn’t even realize that the whole table was looking at him in horror, Finn picking up on it first and Leia following.

“What?” And then it clicked. His face rapidly lost its color. “No. No, no, no, this must be some mistake.” Poe’s eyes bulged. “He can’t be, I can’t be.… We were safe! She was on the pill!”

“Get the kids out of here,” Leia commanded, making Gwen and Amilyn jump into action.

“She wasn’t!” Rey cried out, her eyes filling with angry tears. “How could you? You left and never called!”

Poe lifted his arms placatingly. “Hey, I lost her number! How was I supposed to know? It wasn’t anything serious. It’s a mistake.”

“Did you just call BB a mistake?!”

It was so quiet a pin could drop.

“Get out.”

At first Ben didn’t realize it was his own voice that barked a command. But then a wave of emotion flooded him, making him clench his fists. Poe stared at him, shocked.

“Come on, man, let’s sort this out first.”

“Poe Dameron,” Leia growled before Ben could inflict any actual damage on his friend, “I thought you were raised better than that.”

Some words were exchanged after that. Ben didn’t pay attention to how his mother and Hux kicked his friend out of the apartment or how Gwen took the kids for an impromptu sleepover; his whole focus was on Rey who sat so despondent, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. Her fury had given way to a profound grief and his heart broke to see her like that.

“Hey, hey, hey, sweetheart. Talk to me,” he pleaded with her.

“My baby…” Rey sobbed, “he didn’t want him, he _left_. You will, too,” she added quietly, her abandonment issues raising their ugly head again.

Ben couldn’t have that, he wouldn’t let her.

“Never, Rey, I swear.”

She looked at him, desolate and broken, like this news had crushed her every hope. “I’m raising the child of your best friend, Ben, this changes everything.”

“This changes _nothing_ ,” he reassured her fervently, “not to me.” Trump himself could be BB’s father and he wouldn’t care. It changed nothing about the child or Rey. “I love you and I want you and I want BB. In fact,” Ben reached into his pocket, searching for the familiar box, “I wanted to wait, but… Rey, will you marry me?”

She stared between him and the ring in shock, her mouth slightly open. “Even after...?”

“Don’t care,” Ben responded with a smile. “It’s you and me, nothing else matters.”

Rey’s lips finally twitched a little. “I love you.”

“Is that a yes?” Ben asked anxiously.

“Yes.”

The ring slid onto her finger as if it was meant to be.

It took two weeks. Two weeks to calm down, to decide and to create a plan of action. Ben had his family’s support for their every decision. He knew what he had to do and hoped he didn’t lose anyone in the process, as difficult as it would be.

The café they picked for the meeting with Poe was light and sunny, quiet at that time of day. Rey squeezed her fiancé’s hand under the table when his friend finally showed up, a silent warning and an offer of support.

“Hello, Poe,” Ben greeted him calmly, studying his face intently. His friend seemed to have matured over the course of the past weeks, new shadows appeared under his eyes, a more serious set to his mouth. Clearly, he had done a lot of thinking. Still, he smiled like the old Poe he knew.

“Dude, I’m happy to see you. Rey?” he greeted her tentatively.

She nodded coldly, balling her hand with the ring on the table. Dameron’s eyes followed the movement.

“We’re a package deal now,” Ben explained, careful to present a united front.

“Congrats.” Poe’s smile seemed sincere. “Look, I want to apologize,” he offered, glancing between the two of them. “I didn’t react how I should have, please forgive me.”

“You’re forgiven.” Rey’s voice was calm and even when she granted him a pardon.

Poe looked relieved.

“Thank fuck.”

“On one condition,” she continued. “Sign off your parental rights.”

His eyes bulged. “What? Is that a joke?”

“No joke,” Rey answered coldly, her face darkening. “Two weeks ago you would have given everything to prove BB is not your kid. Just sign and things can return back to normal. No effort on your side.”

The man looked between them, desperation clear on his face. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?!”

Poe tugged on his locks anxiously. “I’ve been thinking…” He turned away from the furious woman to his friend, looking at him pleadingly. “Ben, you know me, I’m not the settling down type. No little gremlins, no white picket fences,” he rushed, his emotions getting the better of him. “But my father, he’s always wanted grandchildren. BB may be my only chance to give him that. Now that I know he’s mine, I can’t just let him go.”

“Really?” Rey hissed angrily. “That’s all he is for you? Your chance at fatherhood?!”

Dameron narrowed his eyes. “You’re one to talk. You think I don’t know that he’d been your surrogate personal life for years?”

This was a low blow even for him. She jumped out of her seat. “How dare you? BB is not yours!”

“I’ll demand a paternity test if I have to!”

“Don’t expect Leia’s lawyers to help you!”

Ben realized he had to intervene before things got completely out of hand and his future wife made a mortal foe out of his best friend. “Sweetheart, let me,” he asked gently, ignoring her betrayed look. “Poe, was Kes a good father?”

This was a loaded question.

“The best, you know it,” his friend responded with conviction.

“Do you think you can be as good of a father to BB?”

A pregnant pause. Poe faltered. “I…”

Ben nodded knowingly. “Because fatherhood is not about DNA, it’s about loving your kid, being there for him always, _all the time_ ,” he accentuated, “even when it’s hard or inconvenient or whatever. Not only during weekends and holidays. Through every bad grade, every scraped knee, every nightmare.” He looked at Poe meaningfully. “Can you do that?”

“I don’t…”

“Because _I_ can. I _am_ doing it.” Ben shared a meaningful look with Rey. “We’re getting married and we want to adopt BB officially. Give him a secure family, a mother and a father. Can you give him that?” He paused, watching his friend scramble for a response. “And before you answer, think about what a good father would do, what Kes would do?”

It was a low blow of his own, one that left Poe heartbroken. Kes would put his son’s interest first, they both knew it. Dameron’s eyes became glassy with emotion as he chuckled mirthlessly.

“You’re a fucking asshole, ya know? Should have gone into law. Fuck,” he cursed, blinking hard. “I will sign.”

Rey exhaled in relief, her shoulders dropping. “Thank you.”

“But you,” Poe pointed at Ben, “you owe me a big one. You’ll have to be the best dad, a fucking perfect dad, I’ll hold you to it.” He worked his jaw, trying to keep his emotions in check. “And I’ll be the coolest freaking uncle BB could have.”

“You’ll have to fight Finn on that,” Ben responded with a small smile.

“I damn well will,” Po promised belligerently. “And I want him to know. Maybe not now, but…”

“We’ll tell him when he’s older,” Rey answered resolutely.

“We’ll do it the right way,” Ben promised. “Ami will help.”

“Please.”

“We’re not cutting you out of his life,” Rey said with conviction. “He has a right to know.”

They would never rob BB of that. He had a right to get to know his father, in a way neither of them could do with their own fathers.

Poe nodded in acknowledgement. “Thank you. I guess it’s more than I deserve. Not cut out to be a dad,” he smiled self-deprecatingly.

“You might surprise yourself someday,” Ben answered with a newfound sympathy.

“Just… give him everything.”

Rey smiled for the first time. “We will.”

A few necessary signatures – and it was done. Poe left right after that, leaving the two to look at each other incredulously.

“It’s done.”

“We’re parents,” Ben whispered, unable to believe it. They were a real family now, a true family.

Rey nodded, happy tears spilling on her cheeks. “I love you.”

“Love you back.”


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is well in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It looks like today is that kind of day, so tell me about your fanfiction reading/writing woes.  
> Yesterday our office chatting about movies somehow turned to Twilight and Fifty Shades, so my boss decided to trash those ficwriters gone authors because why bother reading that, if there's plenty of the better written stuff for free. An there I was, sitting with super straight face and trying not to think about all the E-rated Reylo AUs out there...😂🤦♀️🙈
> 
> Many thanks to my amazing beta fulcrum_of_pemberley.

One year later

“I can’t believe you two have been married for six months already.”

Ben hid his smile in Rey’s hair as she leaned into him fondly. They were gathered around the table in Leia and Ami’s garden, the weather warm enough to permit it. BB was chasing Millie around with a bright laugh as the adults enjoyed the quiet Sunday dinner, full of delicious food and pleasant talk. It was their time to relax and catch up in peace and quiet.

“I can’t believe it either,” he answered Poe with an absent smile, his whole attention on his beloved wife. Years ago it seemed impossible to Ben that he could find a happy relationship, have a family, a spouse who loved him deeply, with a son and an another child on the way, no less, but now it was his reality and he wanted nothing else. His life was full in the best way possible and he couldn’t be more grateful for it.

They got married in a quiet ceremony, not long after BB’s adoption was finalized and Rey broke out the big news of her pregnancy to him. It hadn’t been planned and the timing was curious, but it felt like a blessing he hadn’t even been hoping to receive. The question spilled out of Ben’s mouth before he knew it, overwhelmed with tears of joy. There went his perfectly planned wedding, but his fiancée refused to wait and he hadn’t had it in him to insist, not when they could finally tie the knot.

“Really, you two are too cute for a Hallmark movie,” Rose cooed, making everyone laugh. The woman was a huge supporter of their relationship, a fact she liked to remind everyone of.

“Yes, we are,” Rey said unapologetically, sneaking a tasty bite from Ben’s plate. Her appetite was even better than usual these days, not that he complained.

“Benny has always worn his heart on his sleeve,” Leia commented, “so no surprise there. Besides, it’s not like we mind a bit of PDA here.”

“I can attest to that,” chimed in Leia’s assistant Kaydel, her eyes darting between her boss and Amilyn, a knowing smile on her lips. Kaydel was a recent addition to Leia’s Sunday dinners, mostly consisting of the two hostesses, Ben’s family, the Huxes, Poe, Finn and Rose with occasional visits from Uncle Luke. The bubbly blonde did a wonderful job of brightening the mood everywhere she went.

The conversation flew smoothly. Tasty food and wine did its job to help everyone relax. Ben made sure Rey ended up with the most scrumptious bits of everything and her glass was always full of organic sugar-free juice. The kids were persuaded to eat something before they dashed off again, simply unable to sit still for more than a minute. Gwen and Amilyn enthusiastically discussed a psychology conference they both were planning to attend, Leia tried to get Rose to give a motivational speech at her university, while Finn and Hux argued whether or not it was a good idea to give Millie the pet she was asking for. Poe, on the other hand, tried his best to flirt with Kaydel, advances which she masterfully ignored, to his obvious disappointment. Old habits died hard and Dameron could hardly help himself around pretty girls.

Ben wrapped an arm around his wife, enjoying the feeling of her warmth seeping into his skin, a reminder that she wasn’t a figment of his imagination, quite the opposite, a woman of flesh and blood who loved him and whom he loved back.

“Do you think we should tell Poe that Kay has a girlfriend?” he murmured into Rey’s ear.

She hummed blissfully, content in his embrace.

“Mmm, no. Let him work. Serves him right.” Despite moving past the old hurts, she still retained the memory and well, she had a bit of a wicked streak in her, his wife.

“You’re evil, Mrs. Solo,” he purred quietly, observing his friend’s pointless attempts to get Kay on a date.

“I am, yes,” Rey smiled cheekily, showing off her beautiful dimples. “What are you going to do about it?”

Ben twined their fingers together and kissed her temple gently. “Love and cherish you till death us do part. That’s what was in our vows, right?”

“Right,” she agreed, looking at him with adoration from under her lashes. “Keep doing that.”

And so he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine that after BB starts school Ben and Rey in the most gentle manner explain him who Poe is and introduce him to Kes because the kid deserves to have a loving grandfather, too. I'm a sap, sue me.


End file.
